 "Charles, where have the triplets gone?" |
Multiples Humor |
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Years ago a man was going off to war just one day after he and his wife discovered she was pregnant. He told his wife to send him a telegram when the baby was born. The code word he told her to use was "teapot". He received the telegraph: "Teapot. Teapot. Teapot. Two with a spout, one without."
In a maternity waiting room, three expectant fathers waited nervously. Finally a nurse came out and called for Mr. Smith. "Congratulations," she said, "you've just had twins!" Mr. Smith was surprised, and remarked how unusual, he'd only just taken a job working for the Minnesota Twins.
After an hour or so of pacing, the nurse came out for Mr. Jones. "Congratulations," she said, "you've just had triplets!" "What a coincidence," he said, "I've just taken a job at Triple A, how odd."
At this point the third man jumps up and runs screaming out of the waiting area, "I work at 7-11!"
A woman has
twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt
and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain. They name him
"Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon
receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a
picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen
Juan, you've seen Amal.
Eve: "Did you hear the
latest about Jane Simmons who lives over on the next block? "
Sheli: " No, what about her?"
Eve: "She had triplets. Then not two weeks later, she had twins."
Sheli: "That's Impossible.! How did it happen?"
Eve: "One of the triplets got lost."
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A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments to begin. One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it " he said. The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."
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Deep in the backwoods, a woman went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
"Whoa there," said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down...I think there's another one coming." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.
"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern...it seems there's yet another one in there!" cried the doctor.
The father scratched his head in bewilderment and asked the doctor, "Do you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"
WARNING: Adult-oriented jokes follow...
Once upon a time there was a women that was about to have triplets. In her belly the babies were talking to each other. The first baby says "I want to be a plumber, because there is so much water in here." The second baby says "I want to be an electrician because it is so dark in here." And the last baby says "I want to be a hunter, because if that damn snake comes back in here I'm going to cut it off."
Way down in dat old swamp known as Louisiana, Bubba's old lady had been pregnant for some time, and now the time had come. So, he brought her to the doctor, and the doctor began to deliver the baby.
She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Bubba and said, "Hey, Bubba! You just had you a son!" Aint dat grand!!
Bubba got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said, "Hold on! We ain't finished yet!" The doctor then delivered a little girl. He said, "Hey, Bubba! You got you a daughter!!!!" She a pretty lil ting, too....
Bubba got kind of puzzled by this, and then the doctor said, "Hold on, we still ain't got done yet!" The doctor then delivered another boy and said, "Bubba, you just had yourself another boy!
When Bubba and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down with his wife and said, "Mama, you remember dat night what we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil?"
She said, "Yeah, I do."
Bubba said, "Man, it's a damn good ting we didn't use no WD-40!
One day, during a holdup at a bank, a young woman, pregnant with triplets was shot 3 times by the bandit. She was taken to a hospital, found to be in good condition. Since there was no threat to her life or to the fetuses, she was allowed to continue her pregnancy. The bullets were left in place. All went well and the woman delivered her triplets without a problem.
Fifteen years later, one of the children came to his mother and said, "I just had a scary thing happen. I peed and a bullet came out." His mother then told him about the even when she was pregnant.
Two weeks later, the second of the triplets told his mother that an unusual thing happen. "When I pooped, a bullet popped out." She told him about the shooting event.
Several weeks later, the third triplet came to his mother, very upset. "Something horrible has just happened," he said. "Let me guess," replied the mother. "You had a bullet in your urine." "Nope," replied the triplet. "You had a bullet in your poop?" "No," said the triplet. "I was upstairs masturbating and I shot the dog."
A mother had triplet daughters and, sure enough, they all got married on the same day. On their wedding night, mom tells each one to write back about their married life. To avoid possible embarrassment to their new husbands by openly discussing their love lives, the mother and daughters agree to use newspaper advertisements as a "code" to let their mother know how their love lives are going.
Two days later, the letters started to arrive from the various honeymoon destination spots.
The first one had the simple message: "Maxwell House Coffee." The mother got the newspaper and checked the Maxwell House advertisement, and it said, "Good to the last drop..." Mother was very happy.
The next day she got a second letter. It read: "Rothman's Mattresses." So the mother looked at the Rothman's ad and it said, "Full size, king size." Again, the mother was happy.
But she waited and waited for the third letter. It finally arrived after three weeks and had the message: "British Airways." Mother was at first perplexed, and when she finally found the British Airways ad, she fainted. The ad read: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways."
NOT A MULTIPLES JOKE, but I laughed so hard...
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, "That is the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."